Waiting Game....

So I have been waiting 6 years now, patient and ecstatic.... But now I am just irritated! With only 3 weeks to go, I spend most my time twiddling my thumbs waiting for my life to finally start. But today it hit me, I have still lived 18 years of life and my gosh have I lived. To the extreme really, didn't half do anything or get sick of the consequences. Loved anything that made me feel alive, powerful, in controll. But still one of the many ideas in my head is that I have to wait till a certain date for my life to start, bit fucked up isn't it? Ahhh, I forget though that it took almost 18 years for me to get this fucked up..... I suppose after a while, the chains of my dependency's and other various issues would start to feel really heavy. Weighing down my mind body and soul, Like I'm imprissioned in my dangerous choice of life style's consequences. Maybe I'm waiting because I know thats when I'll have some happy memories instead of the shadowy fleeting images I live with everyday. I can say that things are getting better...slowly. Ive figured that these roller coaster ups and downs I've struggled with over the past year, Is a battle I'm having with that other side of myself. The dark, down and selfless side. The easier way is to be that part of me, because thats who I believed to be me for long time. Its the me I have gotten to know, the me I have lived with and acted out of. On a positive note, I've noticed that every time my TRUE spirit stands up and says fuck you, the longer I am the real me =). so my conclusion is that, I'm waiting for my victory... The moment when my black cloud leaves for good.....